The Nearly Impossible Standards of the Proverbs 31 Woman
The Nearly Impossible Standards of the Proverbs 31 Woman
In my experience as a female growing up in church, if there was one chapter of the Bible from which we were most regularly taught as young girls, it was Proverbs 31.
This was our calling. Our mantra.
The Proverbs 31 woman was not only what every Christian girl should aspire to be, but she was whom every Christian girl was expected to become.
All good Christian women were Proverbs 31 women.
As a grown woman, however, I can attest to the reality that living up to that “calling” is a nearly impossible feat! (Not impossible, but nearly.) And the problem I find with the claim that all good Christian women will live up to this calling is that I don’t (and, even as a child, I didn’t) know many women who actually fit the bill.
This is only a problem, that is, if the idea that we’re supposed to be and expected to become her is actually true.
Can I let you in on a little secret? It’s not true — this idea that every woman is supposed to, eventually, become a Proverbs 31 woman. (And I know somebody just let out a huge sigh of relief after reading that!)
Do you want to know how I came to realize that it’s not true? Believe it or not, from reading Proverbs 31…
You see, that passage never says, “Here is a description of a godly woman, and this is how you should expect all decent women to be — or at least the really good ones.”
Rather, it starts out likes this:
Who can find a virtuous woman? for her price is far above rubies. - Proverbs 31:10 (KJV)
Did you catch that? The Proverbs 31 woman is not the norm or the expectation.
She’s the exception!
She’s rare!
She’s nearly impossible to find!
In fact, you may go your entire life without meeting her.
And here’s sobering thought for any women reading this: My fellow woman, try as you might, you may never become her.
The same is true for me.
I’m reminded of Elizabeth Bennet’s remark to Mr. Darcy in the 2005 film adaption of Pride & Prejudice, just after Mr. Darcy had finished describing what he considered to be an accomplished woman. “I never saw such a woman,” Ms. Bennet retorted. “Surely she would be a fearsome thing to behold.”
The Proverbs 31 woman would be a “fearsome thing to behold,” indeed!
I’m not writing this to suggest that the Proverbs 31 woman isn’t a mark worth striving for; I’m writing this to remind all of us (including any men who may be reading this) that a “virtuous” woman (KJV), an excellent woman (ESV), a “noble” woman (NIV) — the exceptional woman that is the Proverbs 31 woman — is a mark that many will aim for, and few will hit.
Yes, only a few will, but those few are still some… and that some will stand out from the rest.
There’s a reason Proverbs 31 goes on to tell us in verse 28 that the children of those women “rise up to call them blessed” (unprompted, uncoerced, and not as a requirement of Mother’s Day), and that their husbands shower them with praise; because a Proverbs 31 woman lives so exceptionally that her life is nothing short of praiseworthy!
The Proverbs 31 woman isn’t the one who gives just her fair share, or maybe a little above; no, she’s the one who gives everything she has, with all that she has, for as long as she has. And that alone is enough to convince me with absolute certainty that she could only have earned her title through total surrender to God, because to give like that is supernatural.
If you’re a woman who’s reading this, I’m not writing any of this to discourage you; I’m writing this to spur you on to pursue the impossible-made-possible-by-God-alone along with me! I want to become her — that “fearsome thing to behold” — a Proverbs 31 woman — so that I can turn whatever praise that accomplishment garners right back around and say, “Only because of God…”
Note: This is an adaptation of an article that was first published in Devotable on October 25, 2021.
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